Almost two months since my last post, why? I suppose I found my emotional feet and lost the urge to vent my fears, or perhaps I vented a little to openly over a bottle or two of wine on the lounge room floor....well multiple floors on multiple occasions.
What followed the last post was a horrid three week binge in which my body became effectively a jar of pickled organs. Vodka, wine, bourbon, cider, yager bombs... Glass after glass. Night after night.
I became a woo girl (please refer to himym) and even for a while seduced an older man.
What is it about taking a lover that fills me with such a thrill?
I don't take lovers to define my worth or even in the hope that they will turn out to love me. I find a man, smile, flutter my eyes, screw him like an animal for a few random nights then drop him feeling totally liberated by my ability to a) act interested/innocent and b) be one of the few women I know who truly detaches themselves as a lover. I am liberated by the fact i am a complete soul destroying, bed rocking, man crushing succubus.
The other night I went as far as to take foreigner for a midnight trip around my city (however sexless) on the day my ex arrived home and two days after the man I was going to move state for confesses he loves me!
Why? Perhaps my exs untimely return reminds me of his distaste for my sex life. Of course it is not bad at all, I am moderate by today's societies standards but you see I had more then him... How dare a woman have slept with more people then her man.
And now he stands there telling me he wants to marry me... Me the girl he once called a "whore" who never left his side whilst we were together.
That's all a whore is though isn't it? It's our personal perception which is projected upon those around us.
O dear, o dear, o dear.
I am glad to announce however that I am starting a new course in July.... When one part of your life comes together, another part falls ever so spectacularly apart.
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