I wake up heavy from reality, in my dream I am seductive, intelligent, elusive. I smile, giggle, flirt and tease on lookers. I overcome my fears with ease and celebrate with the one I secretly lusted after.
My reality is an empty bed, messy room and the noise of a busy street. I slowly head to my friends to collect yesterday's dumped collective thrown with little care after work in a hurry to get out. We converse over mac and cheese with her loved one while laughing at day time tv and it's pathetic viewers. We even acknowledge the irony that we are such viewers. After a few full bowls of fat covered carbs flying out of our mouths as we scream at judge Judy's clients the conversation of heading out props up and with little apprehension the night is planned.
I put on my heels and an average dress, flip my hair and hope my basic make up sees me through. Two clubs later I feel like a giant. I myself am not a tall girl.... But the men seem tiny today and I only have one type and that type is tall. After three fruitless hours we leave the club, I bid my party farewell and promise to call if my "risky" walk home turns sour.
Time passes, kilometers are walked and my double fudge Sunday drips down my arm as my eyes willow up with tears. Alone... I am walking alone. It is all my head repeats... Alone again.
I arrive home to an email from my newly found ex, I console in him about last night and he express his admiration for me. We were never in love, we were like will and grace, best friends but never lovers. I miss his tender kisses and ability to keep me sane. I long for his return but until then I jus find my feet, rediscover my soul and out grow my childish quirks.
I curl up in my bed praying for sleep, my dreams are better then reality. If I could stay asleep forever god knows I would.
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