Such a nice boulder

The company I have to look forward to sharing my night with:

-Two couples all of who are extremely affectionate (see inserted picture below)
-One girl who hates my guts and shuts down everything I say (reason for hatred unknown)
-hatred girls best mate who enjoys playing up other girls hatred (perhaps the original cause)
-My ex who likes hatred girl and will either fight with me or flirt with her
-One couple who ends every night in a screaming match and panic attack

Tonight is the one night a week I enjoy going to,
I enjoyed it much more when it was simply people who appreciated the scene and didn't use it to get trashed.

Needless to say tonight I do not drink in fear I will finally snap and for the first time in my life punch some body in the nuts (or perhaps the ovaries)

Ultimately, if it was my choice, I'd spend my night with my legs wrapped around a guy (my eye candy of the month) until we burnt every calorie consumed away in a sweaty, kinky, spine tingling romp fest.
Of course my night will not be spent this way... It will instead be spent with the ex kissing my forehead every time another guy glances at me whilst still managing to stare at the tits of hatred girl.

Now excuse me as I go upstairs to be shoot down with glares and at some point have someone hump on or beside me ...
That really is a nice boulder.

Two comments said to me in the past week.
1. "You should be a pornstar" ... Excuse me while I set my ambitions a little higher
2. "I want you to sit on my face" .... And some girls get asked out to dinner

Lets clear some stuff up.
I am a tomboy, I love winter cause I hate showing skin, I have a flat chest, average looks and I am as sexy as a tranny on meth.
I don't offer men sex, I don't chase men. Infact I am painfully shy when I like someone.
I keep my nose in a book and head in the clouds.

But built into me is clearly a magnet for douches that says "hey! This chick will clearly fuck you side ways if you get her number"
Since I was 14, an awkward nerd who struggled with bullying, men have been trying to get me into bed without a single shred of chivalry.
Skip the candles, dinner, romance and love. Something about me even in my nerdy days screamed easy as though it was tattooed to my head.

I lost my virginity at the age of 17 drunk at a party to a guy I had no interest in...I did it because I needed to get rid of it.
Intimacy terrified me.. The only thing that terrified me more as the thought of being seen naked.
So there I sat pants less relieved the deed was done as my Romeo vomited into the toilet beside me. I thought finally... Now they will leave me alone.

They didn't. And slowly as I got thinner I discovered I could use my body to control men and slowly discovered I could use sex to clear my head for even just a few moments.

I cannot express how much I hate my body. I have never been fat, never above 59 kilos even though I am 5"8ft. But I loath every inch of my skin, every roll and curve.

The past year I dated an unbelievably supportive guy and slowly gained the kilos, unfortunately we weren't in love and when paradise ended and my slutty binge ( around the start of this blog) came to a holt I found myself realising how fat I am.

So here I stand, 56 kilos... Barely fat but so incredibly disgusting being hounded daily for sexwhilst wearing a sweater, jeans and boots, barely flirting or raising an eyebrow.

There is a neon sign somewhere... Attached to me that only men can see...
It says I am good to go.
Give her a prick, a lick then a kick.

I will find its off switch no matter how long or how many kilos it takes.

My eyes sting, my head pounds, my stomach cramps as though I completed fifty sit-ups... For the second time in my life... In this week, I purged.
My midnight binge now has the safe comfort of a sneaky vomit.
I feel proud as every bit leaves my body amidst all the pain... I feel relief.
Why do I indulge in this part of me?
For four years I kept it from everyone... Now it consumes me.
What will become of me if I continue this way?

My eyes sting, my head pounds, my stomach cramps as though I completed fifty sit-ups... For the second time in my life... In this week, I purged.
My midnight binge now has the safe comfort of a sneaky vomit.
I feel proud as every bit leaves my body amidst all the pain... I feel relief.
Why do I indulge in this part of me?
For four years I kept it from everyone... Now it consumes me.
What will become of me in this world?

Tonight I had a moment of sheer terror when my phone rang,
The guy I was seeing (I assumed no longer seeing asking to hang tonight)
I'm glad his plans are as flakey as his sex drive!

Today starts the long count down till the end of the year, a man I thought of for two years leaving yet again. Last night he took my breath away.
I miss him already.

Contently high

My girlfriend and I had the greatest idea ever:)
We decided to explore the world of happy herbal highs...
Everything feels like a cloud, a wonderful pink marshmallow cloud.
Good work HHH.

Content and happy in my present life :)
Xxx