Expect the worst' receive the best

Whenever I'm facing circumstances in which I may get hurt I find my mind running through the worst case scenarios.

I do no mean this in a negative way however my theory goes like this,
the more I make the lest case scenario more real the less it hurts me if it actually occurs. And if it doesn't, as one would hope it wouldn't, then I am happy.

That's not pessimistic right?

Here again

So there it is again,
Sitting on my partners couch as he answers the drunk phone to a screaming girl.
My existence goes unmentioned and I try to pretend it does not concern me as I sit salient on the couch.

This feeling,
I've always wondered if this feeling makes my heart race faster or slower.
Either way I feel horrid.
I sink the rest of my wine still hearing the murmurs of conversation from a room I have escaped.

Moment like this make us think.
Is this fear a result of something we should truly be concerned about or is it learnt from all the past exs who taught us we couldn't trust.

I watch a scene unfolds parallel to that I've experienced before. I feel sick, horrified, disgusted. I want to run, hide, leave, escape.

What am I doing here?

Take this ring, store it safe away. Ill wear it on another rainy day.

Sometimes I wish I was stupid.
To be one of those people who are completely shocked when their partner has cheated on them.
I wish I didn't see the signs that lead up to those moments.
Why?
Because the signs are common, human even.
In every relationship there will be moments when signs pop up, but you can't condemn someone for the little slip ups or strayed intent.

My new partner is going away to see a friend. The friend has no name when they are brought up, they are just a friend. No back story, no explanation, no general mention.
I know the friends name because I'm not stupid.
I refuse to be in a relationship which snoop around each others phones etc but I've seen messages from her because she's messaged whilst he has been driving or making us dinner.

I don't believe he will do anything with her, but I do know he is placing himself in a position of temptation. If it wasn't she wouldn't be hidden from my knowledge.

As my stomach sinks with news of his departure I remind myself he is human, I am human. I have learnt to worry without showing jealousy because of my past, perhaps him hiding her is a learnt behaviour from a jealous ex in.the past?

I cannot judge, I will not judge.

I trust him, yes, it seems he is playing with fire but who hasn't. It doesn't set actions in stone or prove the worst intent is true. So I have no real concern.

After all if he were to act upon his rather poor intent I would do what I have learnt from experience. I would get on with life.

Home sick

The biggest shock out of moving out of home isn't the laundry or bills. It's the first time you cry.
Every time you burst into tears in your family home, help is only a wall away. Someone is always around the corner to hold you.
When you move out of home suddenly your alone, completely alone.
Every sob is unheard, every tear invisible... Suddenly it hits you.
Your alone.
I've never missed home so much.