Two comments said to me in the past week.
1. "You should be a pornstar" ... Excuse me while I set my ambitions a little higher
2. "I want you to sit on my face" .... And some girls get asked out to dinner

Lets clear some stuff up.
I am a tomboy, I love winter cause I hate showing skin, I have a flat chest, average looks and I am as sexy as a tranny on meth.
I don't offer men sex, I don't chase men. Infact I am painfully shy when I like someone.
I keep my nose in a book and head in the clouds.

But built into me is clearly a magnet for douches that says "hey! This chick will clearly fuck you side ways if you get her number"
Since I was 14, an awkward nerd who struggled with bullying, men have been trying to get me into bed without a single shred of chivalry.
Skip the candles, dinner, romance and love. Something about me even in my nerdy days screamed easy as though it was tattooed to my head.

I lost my virginity at the age of 17 drunk at a party to a guy I had no interest in...I did it because I needed to get rid of it.
Intimacy terrified me.. The only thing that terrified me more as the thought of being seen naked.
So there I sat pants less relieved the deed was done as my Romeo vomited into the toilet beside me. I thought finally... Now they will leave me alone.

They didn't. And slowly as I got thinner I discovered I could use my body to control men and slowly discovered I could use sex to clear my head for even just a few moments.

I cannot express how much I hate my body. I have never been fat, never above 59 kilos even though I am 5"8ft. But I loath every inch of my skin, every roll and curve.

The past year I dated an unbelievably supportive guy and slowly gained the kilos, unfortunately we weren't in love and when paradise ended and my slutty binge ( around the start of this blog) came to a holt I found myself realising how fat I am.

So here I stand, 56 kilos... Barely fat but so incredibly disgusting being hounded daily for sexwhilst wearing a sweater, jeans and boots, barely flirting or raising an eyebrow.

There is a neon sign somewhere... Attached to me that only men can see...
It says I am good to go.
Give her a prick, a lick then a kick.

I will find its off switch no matter how long or how many kilos it takes.